This essay conveys the idea that as important as teaching knowledge is, it is as important if not more important for teachers to possess other qualities, all of which the writer classifies as necessary for being able to relate well with students. Those other qualities include having “special relationships” with students; the teaching of respect (in the first two paragraphs); and taking different approaches for different individuals. The writer develops the last idea primarily by using a clearly appropriate extended and complex example of the writer’s own parents, who are teachers but whose special qualities in raising the writer and the writer’s brother had to do more with taking varied approaches. The writer then goes on to convey that knowledge is a given—“something taken for granted”—because all teachers take course work and pass tests to gain their jobs but not all have the qualities the writer considers more important.
This response very effectively addresses the topic and the task. It is true that this response is different from most essays: the overall idea is stated explicitly but only at the end of the essay. However, because of very good language structure and good conceptual transitions between ideas, the reader is able to follow the writer’s development of ideas without becoming confused. The response is thus seen to be well organized. Errors in language are almost nonexistent here. This response meets all of the 5-level criteria from the Scoring Guide.
QUESTION 2, RESPONSE B, SCORE OF 4
I disagree with the idea that the possessing the ability to relate well with student is more important than excellent knowledge of the subject being taught for a teacher. There are several reasons why I disagree with that idea.
First, teachers’ job is to educate their student with their knowledge. The ability to relate well with their student is something a counselor should possess, not a teacher. That’s why the board of education gives an award to a teacher with an excellent knowledge of the subject they teach. Teachers who can get along with their students but have no knowledge can be popular and be liked by his or her students, however I don’t consider a teacher with no knowledge a good teacher.
Second, Students go to schools because they want to learn knowledge from their teachers not to get along with their teachers. I knew a math teacher who was well known among other mathematics teachers. Some students always complained how he never entertains his students which made many of his students to fall asleep. Nevertheless, all of his classes were all full even before the semester began because many students who were eager to learn already booked in. He won the Apples prize (it’s given to a noticed teacher annually) a couple of times and that enabled students to firmly believe in his way of teaching.
Thirdly, teachers are responsible for conceding their knowledge to their next generation. Teachers already had an experience of getting advantaged education from college. Teachers should not let that previlege become useless and workless. We all learn because we want to become the better person that this world needs. Students will also eventually grow up to be influencing other people and teachers should volunteerily be their students’ role models.
For conclusion, I think the most important quality a teacher must have is an excellent knowledge of the subject they teach, not an ability to relate well with their students.
Score explanation
This is a more traditional-looking essay that is organized with a point of view in the first paragraph stating the writer’s disagreement with the writing prompt, followed by three pieces of supporting reasons and examples.
The second paragraph makes the point that counselors are the ones who are supposed to relate to students and that teachers with no knowledge are not worthwhile as teachers.
In the third paragraph the writer tries to describe the fact that knowledge is important by stating that students wanted to take courses from a teacher who was known to possess special knowledge even though they knew the teacher was not entertaining.
The fourth paragraph contains the very interesting idea that teachers have the obligation to pass on what they have had the privilege of learning, but this paragraph in particular has a few problems with somewhat unclear expression of concepts: (1) errors of word choice in the word “conceding” (not clear exactly what word is intended here) and in the term “‘advantaged’ education” (advanced education or advantages of education?) and (2) a problem with unclear connection of ideas (why is it said that “We all learn because we want to become the better person that this world needs?”).
Overall, this essay is well organized, but the slightly unclear connection of ideas and the language chosen, especially in the final paragraph, prevent this response from rising above the 4 level.
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